Category: Uncategorized (Page 2 of 7)

#opalescentbubbles#poolsofwarmwater#sandbars#crisscrossingripples

Psalm 42:7 “Roaring deep calls to roaring deep, at the thunder of your water spouts; all Your breakers and Your rolling waves have gone over me.”

God spoke to my spirit, “I will cover you until there are only days.” I know from His word what that means: after my Savior returns in the new heaven and new earth there will only be daylight-no darkness. Oh how God loves me, He is going to cover me until then. I am moved to tears as I walk along the beach.

He told me to slow down today and look closely at every single beach bird and watch them fly, soar, feed, play and scuttle about. His creative power manifested in all living creatures for us to enjoy.

Write He whispered, write from deep under where words are not seen, write of a yearning for Me and My love and protection and peace.

As I leisurely walked He showed me colors in the murky shallow water I had never seen before, vibrant pinks, glistening aquas, purples and blues. Bubbles appeared as pearls floating atop the sand and shimmering opalescent edges of waves I’d never noticed until today. God is in all the beauty I see. Ordinary became extraordinary.

I slowed to a snaillike crawl, it felt as if time stood still. All else faded around me as I concentrated only on His beautiful ocean and beach and wildlife. I admit I was mesmerized, in a dream like state, just me and God staring at His creation. Basking only in the presence of the living God. worshiping as He whispered, “I cover you with my wings.” Deep inside in the place where only God dwells I felt warmth and joy and rest…an all is well with the world kinda feeling.

“The call of God is like the call of the sea, no one hears it except the person who has the nature of the sea in him.” Oswald Chambers

I felt God today, He lifted the veil for only a moment and shattered my illusion of beauty and revealed glory to me. God is reminding me I am here, I am near in every bird, flower, tree, each sunrise and sunset, it is I the great I am that you see, hear and feel.  Kneel and pray for I am with you.

“The ocean represents Me, endlessly glorious and continually present with you..” Jesus Today (page 242)  Lord, thank you for your ocean and all the beauty in and around it and for calling me today to hear it.

God is reminding me just how broken I am with all the injured yellow butterflies He sends to me. The one this morning fluttered by so close I could see each tear in her delicate wing, keep flying girl! We are in the mountains this week, staying with my dear friend in her family’s old, well cared for farmhouse. A large creek fills the low land behind the big house. It gurgles over rocks and boulders and at one point creates a lovely cascading waterfall. The constant waterfall will lull you into a peaceful state of rest and calm. This continual sound of moving water feels like warm caresses of God, loving me, loving me, never changing and strong.

The cows graze all around us just feet away, uttering deep noises that jar you in early morning slumber. Truly I understand why some refer to the mountains as God’s country, for surely He is here. God is revealed in each living creature and moment of beauty. There is something ancient and deep about connecting organically with the land, the soil and nature. It grounds me, carries me back to childhood, connects me to my creator.

Quietly, softly without pretense the tall grasses stir my soul, butterflies flutter thru the catacombs of my longings for simplicity. Blades of bright green grass dance with the gentle breeze moving across this mountainside.

The trees are deeply rooted, older than dirt and massive, and this morning the giant oak keeps the early sun from my eyes. The mountain air is basking in freshness, alive -filling my pores with renewal and strength. It makes me wonder what stories the trees have to tell, standing majestic and time worn with the earth’s secrets kept locked inside the trunk and bark and leaves and branches.

My black rocking chair creaks and groans over the old boards of this porch as I write. Today is so special, it is the 2nd anniversary of my sweet sis leaving us to be with Jesus. My heart still breaks over her passing, and my faith is the only way I make it. This glorious morning in the mountains I carry on sis, I carry on.

Oswald Chambers reminds me in his devotion today to “beware of not acting upon what you see in your moments on the mountaintops with God.” I promise God I will continue to breathe in your beautiful mountains for I know You do not take away my trials and grief, instead You give me hope, power and the grace to endure them.

Thank you God for being in all my moments. “My presence shall go with you and I will give you rest.” Exodus 33:14

Today is the day after Donna, my sister, passed two years ago. Time does heal, just like our maker says, we do move on, slowly, sadly at first with great trepidation, but forward we plunder. This is my Jericho week, I am in the mountains with friends, hoping to rebuild the walls of my life, fresh and new, strong and true.

The steady, hard rain rolls in buckets from the sky, noisy and in charge of this day. The rain creates a grey screen in front of the mountains clouding my clean view. There are no cows in the yard today, the rain dominates, it even drowns out the creek’s rumblings. My son loves a rainy day, I’m on the fence with this one, but give me a tin roof and comfy chair and you might persuade me.

Being here in the middle of God’s country, makes me feel grounded and secure. Last night we hiked the dirt road strewn with cow pilings down to the vast garden. It has been a garden for 200 years in the same spot. Armed with our plastic grocery bags we were aiming to pluck our dinner right smack dab out of the dark rich soil. Snap beans, tomatoes, peppers, sweet corn, potatoes and black eyed peas all anxiously waiting for our arrival. With every bean I popped off the vine a memory surfaced of working my Mammy’s farm. Our dinner that night was a bounty, so wonderful we posted pictures of it. My Mammy would have been so proud, our long wood table, like hers, was covered with our produce- waiting silently for our blessing. After devouring the final chapter of our meal, moist cake with creamy chocolate icing, we all sat around a small round table and rested, our music was the evening bugs concert.

This morning as I allow the drumming rain to keep my heart’s rhythm to a peaceful steady beat I realized this has been the best two nights sleep I have had in a very long time! As I walked through all the possible reasons for that in my mind, what popped up is simply that it is peaceful here.

A few years ago, I was in this same breath taking Valley an hour or so east and God spoke to me. It was a vast meadow at a vineyard, filled beyond description with tall rustling wheat and wild grasses and I was standing in it, just looking up at the big sky when He moved me. His whispered words, “the winds of change are coming..” set me on a course that forever changed my life. So many things happened after those words, I can not tell of them in this one story. Death, births, a wedding or two, cancer, loss, financial ruin, pain of a sick child and more, but with each one I did as God whispered and “rested in His peace.”

“For the Lord your God is bringing you into a good land-a land with brooks, streams, and deep springs gushing out into the valleys and hills.”  Deuteronomy 8:7

Right before our trip to these mountains, His sweet whisper came upon me again…”you are going to write it in the valley, it is where I began my work in you.” Wow, is what came to mind, and wow is God amazing or what! So, here I am sitting on the old grey wooden porch, with my coffee, writing….just like He told me I would, thanking Him out loud for the gift He gave me. Building my life with His word, brick by brick armed with the assurance of His peace.

Just about every friend on fb is posting a list of 12 things “you may not know about me”…wow it sure is informative. I must admit I did not know any of the things they post, its like I am getting to know them through their list. So I thought while I am watching “Nashville” on tv I would attempt to compose my list….so to be different I wrote 10:

1. I LOVE to sing, in the car, in the kitchen with wooden spoons as microphones, outside while I am swinging, on a walk, on the porch, with my guitar or while playing the piano, I just love it.

2. My love language is words, I was so broken and hurt by words growing up that now its how I love. I am called the encourager.

3. My dream has always been since I was little to be a doctor.

4. I have been sewing since I was very young and made most of my clothes in school and made and designed my prom dress!!

5. I have no patience  for people who think they are better than you and put others down because they have less.

6. Hands down the very very best days of my life have been spent with my children, I will never ever forget the special bond we had while nursing them. Those are my most precious memories.

7. My sister and I played football with all the boys in the neighborhood all the time, and we were so good no one could stop us…lol.

8. I can’t swim, I have tried it but I hate it and feel smothered and do not want to ever do it.

9. I am petrified of public speaking…so much so that I completely changed my type of college degree just to avoid Public Speaking class which was required…wow, imagine that. It worked!!!

10. I love art and love to draw. I stopped doing it after all my life’s work was stolen from me at JMU, some think it was my professor who took it. He broke my heart, I wish he knew that.

We managed to get away and spent a few days at our beach haven..Nags Head, and what a wacky strange few days it has been.  I feel like I’ve been lifted up and tossed around like a boat in a hurricane.  The swirl of anxious confusion in my head has produced only sleepless nights and restless moments…and I can’t even explain why.

This morning very early I got up and took myself out for coffee and a conference with the God of the universe on the beach. My coffee from Cahoon’s Store is truly a good cup of java-just like the sweet lady told me.  Nice to know there are things other than God that we can count on.

There is only a sprinkling of people, specks really against the vast ocean, sky and wide beach.  Actually I am but a dot to God, and among His oceans of prayer requests mine is a mere grain of sand.

The bright early morning sun shoots out enormous straight beams down to the ocean…beautiful.  I know when I seek the living God that “streams of living waters will flow from within him” John 7:38.  I seek His peace today.  Surely the Lord is in this place where I rest my chair, right here on this creamy sand under this pier.  God’s love is too brilliant for me to fathom.  Like the sun, I am unable to look directly at my maker, yet I feel the warmth cascading onto my body. Faith.

I sit with my Bible and read, and pray and listen for God’s mighty ocean to call my name.  My coffee cools as the beach crowd filters past me.  Calm washes  over me as I remind myself God holds me in the palm of His hands, I will rest easy tonight.  I pray before gathering my things and heading back to wake my sweet children….

Lord Jesus, I pray that you will calm this anxious feeling and heal my flesh and bones and bring me peace.  I thank you for my Savior and for all you do for me each and every day. Amen.

“The Lord turn His face toward you and give you peace.”  Numbers 6:26

I trust you Jesus in this trial, I choose to have peace while waiting on your will. Moment by moment I resolve to trust you.

I hear the birds singing as the gentle wind kisses my face after the morning rain. My tears are disguised as raindrops so no one can see my pain but Jesus.  ”The Old Rugged Cross” plays in the background as I lay my son and I at the foot of the cross. This rainy morning I must decide to completely trust Jesus, and wait and see where He is taking us.

“Our times are in your hands, deliver me from the hands of my foes.” Psalm 31:15

In my Jesus Today devotional it says, “My promise to be with you always ensures that you never have to face anything alone.”

The rain smells fresh as it washes clean the earth. God’s mighty hand moves the wind across the trees and the pines bend to His Glory. I am quiet on my porch-listening for His whisper, praying His words will calm the storm inside our lives. He calmed the raging sea for His disciples and He will do it for me.

Your promises in your Holy Bible tell me you are here, you are near, all I have to do is call your name. Delicate yellow finches fluttering about in this soft rain, remind me of God’s provision. I care for the birds He tells me, and I will do the same for you.

Trust. Believe. Have faith in God not man.

Oswald Chambers says that the trials we go through either “make us evil or they make us more saintly” and our outcome is entirely dependent on our level of intimacy in our relationship with God. He allows our difficulties for His own purpose. My job is to trust Him and pray that His will be done.

So on my knees at the foot of the cross I talk to Jesus and leave my pain right there where His pain and suffering freed me to live a life of peace.

A few weeks ago I lost a great story I was typing just off the top of my head, clicking away at the keyboard, trusting that the machine I was using would save all my words. It failed me, every single heart felt word was lost somewhere in cyber space, and Lord only knows where they went. I just could not seem to bring it all back to my mind, it appears that story was never to take form again…and at that juncture I had 2 choices to be positive Paula or negative Nancy.  I like Paula best, she seems to cheer me up and get me through the crummy days and negative emotions. I made a decision to let go of the anger of loss and just simply move on.  So here I am fingertips to that same keyboard and the same program on tumblr and praying this time my thoughts will cling to the screen and be there for me when I am done writing.

That is hope, that is faith in something beyond my control.  Kinda, pretty much like the faith I have daily that even though life is really beyond my control I continue to know and believe that my God has me in the palm of His hand.  I trust that He is there walking with me through a life software program that I do not understand, nor do I control. Funny, its the loss of control part of life that gets me the most. Carrie Underwood belts out “Jesus take the wheel..” but really letting go means I could crash….see it is that control thing again.

I searched for hours for that missing blog, I finally just figured it went to the planet of missing socks, lol. Wonder how many hours we spend in our lifetimes looking for lost stuff. Truth is seldom do we ever find what is lost, how frustrating for us all. That night I had to take a walk around my porch in the dark to calm down, until finally relinquishing to the loss of control. Computer won, I lost, move on.

We are all lost until we find our way to God, wandering all about this life out of place, not in our proper home.  Thank goodness God really is in control of the wheel of my life, cause I sure am not. Not really, oh I think I am but nope it is just like my lost in space story, the only thing I really CAN control is my reaction to what happens to me.

“…but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace.” Romans 8:6

“A man’s mind plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps and makes them sure.” Proverbs 16:9

“Find rest, O my soul in God alone, my hope comes from him.” Psalm 62:5

Thank you Lord for being in control so I can rest in your perfect peace. Amen

There are numerous sounds we hear that are so distinctive that even out of context we recognize them immediately.  Waves crashing the beach, birds singing, cars on the highway, lawn mowers….the list goes on.  We have grown accustomed to these audible memories and quickly distinguish each one. Our capacity to soak up new information and store old is astounding.  Many feel we have not touched our brain power’s true potential, I agree. 

All of us know it takes practice, studying  and a willingness to work to keep our brain alive and well and active. 

God’s voice, His whisper is just like that familiar old sound of say, thunder, once we hear it nothing else can mimick it. My problem is now that I have experienced that whisper of God my Father, I long for more and unfortunately He does not work on demand.

For me, His voice arrives unexpected, and long overdue.  Nothing would bring greater pleasure to me than to hear His sweet voice in my ear and spirit each day. Sometimes it is simply the longing for Him to draw near and even whisper to me that carries me through the storms of life.

I recognize that old familiar melody of His word by the knowledge His living Bible reveals to me.  I know beyond a shadow of a doubt He has spoken to me when what I hear aligns with His written word, if it does not-out of my head it goes.  I refuse to store negative words or thoughts in my head.  Tenderly He speaks to my spirit guiding me, leading me, but do I always heed His call?  Do I use my brain to it’s full capacity and listen for my Father on a regular basis? No, I have to admit, I do not.  So that leaves me without brain power, His power.

Training our hearts and minds to hear God is just like going to school, we must study and learn.  Studying His word everyday, spend time alone with God and train yourself to be attune to His voice.  Pray and ask Him to speak to you….and wait.

Be still and rest until you hear that old familiar sound, “Cindy Kay I am here, I am near.”  “Be still and know that I am God.”

In the stillness of our chaotic lives, be patient, wait on God, call out to Him and then listen for His voice.  It will come, and you WILL recognize and remember His whispers of love.

“My sheep hear My voice and I know them, and they follow Me.  And I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; neither shall anyone snatch them out of my hand.”  John 10: 27-28

We arrived at the robin egg blue beach cottage on Easter Sunday as the sun still hugged the azul sky.  Each of us slowly settled into our designated room for the week, moving in far more suitcases than we would ever use , with the help of my strong son.  After the food was put away I began wondering where mom was, I called her, looked outside, checked the car and all the rooms, to no avail.  A few moments later I felt that uneasy tug again…Where is mom I thought?  It’s not like her to disappear-at 82 she could not have gone far.

Another sweep around the cottage, I sent my son upstairs and we looked downstairs, yet still no mom. Small waves of panic washed to the shore of my heart just about the time my son’s blood curdling scream came crashing through. He was so loud that I heard him from the bottom floor.  I tore up the stairs, my daughter right beside me.  Dad was on the couch, white and shaken. Instinct took over while my heart was still in a state of panic, I heard my voice say to calm down and wait here.  I glanced toward my daughter for a millisecond before entering that bathroom and she said, “Mom take a breath and calm down before you open that door.” I did.

Thinking back over those horrifying minutes of the unknown I realize I was scared beyond reason, terrified of what I would see when I opened that door.  Running into the bathroom I saw my mom sprawled on the tile floor, her body was awkward looking and in the wrong position. She looked helpless and in pain and thank the Lord, alive. For the remainder of my days on earth the look of helplessness and embarrassment on her face, with expressions of a small child, will stay etched in my memories.  In all my 58 years I have never ever ever  seen my mom look helpless.  It was a lesson in aging, we all fall. Later that same day I would soon discover we all fall just in different ways.

Mom is the toughest, strongest woman I have ever met.  We gently lifted her off that hard floor and onto a soft bed. I watched as she gathered her wits, shock herself off and put her Nanny face back on.  Awwww, sweet relief for my heart.

That afternoon the 3 generations of women, me, mom and my daughter headed out to get groceries.  Little did I know God would teach me a valuable lesson in falling from grace.

To keep the story short; we got a very miserable clerk who was set on dismantling our already fragile day, and I fell right into the devil’s trap.  I lost my cool with that rude clerk and blew it in a loud voice, uttering ridiculous comments right in front of my mom, daughter and the whole store. I fell hard and fast and was more broken and bruised in those few short minutes of inappropriate behavior than ever happened on a cold bathroom floor.  In the end, what people saw was ME acting horrible, not the clerk, because her ugly was quiet and low and directed so only I could hear and feel. Gosh the evil one is good at his job and how quickly we fall into that dark snare.

It was my mother’s shocked stare at me that broke my fall, that made me realize no matter how she acted, I was wrong from every angle.  I asked God to forgive me, for I had sinned and fallen broken before Him, short of who I am capable of being.  Fallen, broken, hurt, embarrassed, and just like my mom’s fall I was in distress.  I prayed for peace for that clerk and asked again, God please forgive me for I was so very wrong.

My mom got up and walked away from her fall with only bruises and soreness.  Thank you Lord.  I walked away from my fall from grace with deeper scars-a hurt in my heart and spirit knowing I had disappointed my family, and more importantly I had let down my heavenly Father. For that I will have bruises that I will need to pray about and allow God to heal.

That next morning as I poured my coffee I felt God whisper, “You will not be ready for Me to use you until you pass that test.”  I knew exactly what He meant and believe me I want so badly to move forward with my Lord and into His will for my life that I will pray and practice NOT falling everyday.

I surrender my life to you Lord, I promise you Lord I will choose the path least taken next time, and I will not fall into the abyss of darkness….I WILL yield.

“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” Romans 3:23

“Rise up! Why is it that you have fallen on your face?” Joshua 7:10

“See that no one repays another with evil for evil, but always seek after that which is good for one another and for all people.” 1 Thessalonians 5:15

Thank you Lord, your living word is always there to teach me when I fall.

My niece is a gardener- a tender loving care taker of God’s earth.  Her garden is a Renoir painting, the hues and values and placement of vegetables fill her burnt umber soil canvas. She is an artist professionally and that creativity spills forth into her love of the earth and its potential bounty. A tiny delicate, lovely young woman with a spirit that is strong and deeply grounded in her faith in the soil to produce a near perfect crop….every time.

She and I bought strawberry plants together, hers is still lush and full and mine is pitiful. Tonight I am bringing my nearly dead strawberry plant to her, the plant Dr. , so that she can nurse it back to health. I have total blind faith in her ability to raise my sick plant back to life.

I have watched her go through a big growth spurt recently, she took the high road in a situation where most people would seek revenge. She has moved into a better place, tending to her life now much like the way she cares for her plants with love and forgiveness. I am so proud of her mainly because that low road, with its dark and dreary way is usually the road of choice for most of us-a fast and easy way out.  Carefully watering and pruning day after day tenderly to the gardens of our hearts and soul is harder and takes far more time, yet the produce is so much better!

Over and over I tell my children and anyone that will listen, it is in the trials of life where our growth occurs, be it positive or negative, depending on your choices. Getting up in the morning is a choice, from that moment on we make decisions all day long, then do it again the next day. Our growth , like a garden, is a direct result of our behavior and our attitude; you can be pitiful or powerful, but you sure as heck can’t be both.

Have a little faith in yourself I tell them, believe that God guides us everyday and that you will make the right choice.  I know beyond a shadow of a doubt I made the right decision to take my dying plant to my niece so that she can bring it back to powerful. I know every single day of my life that I am powerful because my faith and strength comes from my belief that God covers me and tends to me and fills my spirit with the best choices for me. I am sure that He will care for me and meet my needs and I will grow into a fruitful person. His love will fill me so much that it flows over and out into the lives of others and they can see who Jesus really is by my fruit. That, is a garden worth growing, a lofty goal yet so attainable.

Regardless of the circumstances of any day I face now my goal is to keep Jesus close by me, and when I do I find no matter what comes my way my faith in Him carries me through.  He comes to my garden and walks with me and talks with me all through my day. Thank you Lord.

“Because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.” James 1:3

“The Lord is my strength and my shield.” Psalm 28:7