We arrived at the robin egg blue beach cottage on Easter Sunday as the sun still hugged the azul sky. Each of us slowly settled into our designated room for the week, moving in far more suitcases than we would ever use , with the help of my strong son. After the food was put away I began wondering where mom was, I called her, looked outside, checked the car and all the rooms, to no avail. A few moments later I felt that uneasy tug again…Where is mom I thought? It’s not like her to disappear-at 82 she could not have gone far.
Another sweep around the cottage, I sent my son upstairs and we looked downstairs, yet still no mom. Small waves of panic washed to the shore of my heart just about the time my son’s blood curdling scream came crashing through. He was so loud that I heard him from the bottom floor. I tore up the stairs, my daughter right beside me. Dad was on the couch, white and shaken. Instinct took over while my heart was still in a state of panic, I heard my voice say to calm down and wait here. I glanced toward my daughter for a millisecond before entering that bathroom and she said, “Mom take a breath and calm down before you open that door.” I did.
Thinking back over those horrifying minutes of the unknown I realize I was scared beyond reason, terrified of what I would see when I opened that door. Running into the bathroom I saw my mom sprawled on the tile floor, her body was awkward looking and in the wrong position. She looked helpless and in pain and thank the Lord, alive. For the remainder of my days on earth the look of helplessness and embarrassment on her face, with expressions of a small child, will stay etched in my memories. In all my 58 years I have never ever ever seen my mom look helpless. It was a lesson in aging, we all fall. Later that same day I would soon discover we all fall just in different ways.
Mom is the toughest, strongest woman I have ever met. We gently lifted her off that hard floor and onto a soft bed. I watched as she gathered her wits, shock herself off and put her Nanny face back on. Awwww, sweet relief for my heart.
That afternoon the 3 generations of women, me, mom and my daughter headed out to get groceries. Little did I know God would teach me a valuable lesson in falling from grace.
To keep the story short; we got a very miserable clerk who was set on dismantling our already fragile day, and I fell right into the devil’s trap. I lost my cool with that rude clerk and blew it in a loud voice, uttering ridiculous comments right in front of my mom, daughter and the whole store. I fell hard and fast and was more broken and bruised in those few short minutes of inappropriate behavior than ever happened on a cold bathroom floor. In the end, what people saw was ME acting horrible, not the clerk, because her ugly was quiet and low and directed so only I could hear and feel. Gosh the evil one is good at his job and how quickly we fall into that dark snare.
It was my mother’s shocked stare at me that broke my fall, that made me realize no matter how she acted, I was wrong from every angle. I asked God to forgive me, for I had sinned and fallen broken before Him, short of who I am capable of being. Fallen, broken, hurt, embarrassed, and just like my mom’s fall I was in distress. I prayed for peace for that clerk and asked again, God please forgive me for I was so very wrong.
My mom got up and walked away from her fall with only bruises and soreness. Thank you Lord. I walked away from my fall from grace with deeper scars-a hurt in my heart and spirit knowing I had disappointed my family, and more importantly I had let down my heavenly Father. For that I will have bruises that I will need to pray about and allow God to heal.
That next morning as I poured my coffee I felt God whisper, “You will not be ready for Me to use you until you pass that test.” I knew exactly what He meant and believe me I want so badly to move forward with my Lord and into His will for my life that I will pray and practice NOT falling everyday.
I surrender my life to you Lord, I promise you Lord I will choose the path least taken next time, and I will not fall into the abyss of darkness….I WILL yield.
“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” Romans 3:23
“Rise up! Why is it that you have fallen on your face?” Joshua 7:10
“See that no one repays another with evil for evil, but always seek after that which is good for one another and for all people.” 1 Thessalonians 5:15
Thank you Lord, your living word is always there to teach me when I fall.
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