It’s not fair we buried my 18 year old sister the night before her wedding in 1975, and an uncle of 35, and my precious grandmother…all within months of each other. It’s not fair I just buried my 2nd sister at the young age of 52, and my dad’s sister just months before, and my dad has cancer and my mom is a fragile rock. It’s not fair I yell at the top of my lungs! STOP IT! Enough, go pick on someone else. We’ve lost so many, too many to list since that fateful car crash of ‘75. Why are you doing this, I ask the sky? It’s more than one family can bear.
You shouldn’t outlive your children, you shouldn’t bury your baby sisters, your son should not be asked to carry his sweet Aunt Don Don’s casket—it’s just not right. It looks crocked, off centered, I want to straighten it out. I tell my children all the time that life’s not fair, face it with faith and play the cards you’ve been dealt…play them well.
I’m heading to the beach, our late summer vacation, but my heart is left behind- beside the shiny silver blue casket covered with peach roses and babies breath. That tiny white flower nestled next to her favorite roses represents her life so well, her truth she shared, her love walk with children, she adored them and she left them covered with “babies breath”. How appropriate.
The most adorable little red headed boy, son of her best friend, that my sis cared for and loved since birth said it so well when he was ill. When his little body was held down by 3 grown ups, he looked up at the ER nurse who was trying to draw blood and said, “Why are you doing this to me…Why?” Perfect words. Perfect cry out from pain.
And God reminds me with a gentle whisper, this is how you grow strong in your weakness and pain: Depend on Me continually, I will guide you through the storm. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3: 5-6
I’m doubting like Peter in the boat-ummm he might say, Lord, you might want to wake up for this one-it’s a pretty bad storm!! Again, while Jesus sleeps, he tells him Lord, I’m scared-aren’t you? No, Peter I am not, so calm yourself down. See, Peter forgot just who he was with-THE creator of the universe’s only son! Hellloooo….He MADE the sea surely He can calm the sea. And He did. It’s in our storms when we are petrified of the power of the wind and waves that we call out-help me Lord, I can’t do this, I’m not strong enough, I’m so afraid, my heart is so broken that I can’t breathe! HELP!
It is in that moment of desperation that He hears our cries, calms our waters and engulfs us with His love. There, on that threshold between us and God, we meet, we linger beside His still waters and we rest. One step forward, one moment more, slowly. Deep breath, I’ve got you child, one step more, ”be still and know that I am God”, there, see? You’re through the visitation, good my dear one, call out to me now, we will walk together through the funeral, that’s it, you’re almost there, I’ve got you. Dependence, total reliance. “We wait in hope for the Lord; He is our help and our shield.” Psalm 33:20
Lord I thank you and I seek your presence as I mourn my second sisters passing- the picture of the 3 of us snuggled close in that big bed together as children, precious and young, flashes over and over in my mind and I smile-because You have them both now, safe in your arms. I breathe, I trust. I hope in a future serving you and honoring my sister who left a legacy of love, faith, family, service and giving. You Lord have reminded me she left the light on, shinning bright so we can see the way to you. They are both stars in Your heaven, shinning down on us.
“But if you seek the Lord your God, you will find Him if you look for Him with all your heart and with all your soul.” Deuteronomy 4:29. I found you Lord, there in the midst of our deep loss, you carried us just like you promised, and I am blessed that I had her for 52 years. Rest with your Jesus my sweet sister.
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